Often I point out how poor the rich man in the Gospel was. He had no electricity, no running water, no infrastructure for roads, and no medical system for starters. He probably had three robes, some servants, a mule and some land. In a few decades all would be lost with the invasion of the Romans. “Jesus looked steadily at him and loved him…he went away sad for he was a man of great wealth.” (Mk 10:21-22)
In contrast to the rich man’s clear rejection, the disciples continued their journey with Jesus. They were filled with broken dreams, confusion and fear but in the end they were faithful. They were learning that the heart is a battlefield of good and evil. Likewise, they experienced the heart creating idols which distorted reality; it also blinded and hardened the spirit.
In their struggle to understand Jesus, the disciples began to recognize the human dilemma of the fragmented heart. They were living what Paul articulated a few decades later in Romans: “We know that the law is spiritual but I am carnal sold into slavery to sin. What I do, I do not understand. For I do not what I want, but I do what I hate.” (Romans 7: 14-15)
The second half of the Gospel of Mark portrays the disciples as a group on the edge of disillusionment. They are dealing with the call to walk with Jesus to Jerusalem and the absolute shattering of their dreams and ambitions.
All the while Jesus continues calling them into the light, proclaiming the truth and preparing them to be free of the bondage of their self-absorption. The war in their fragmented hearts raged on.
They were struggling with new self-knowledge that shattered their illusion of seeing Jesus as their ticket to power, wealth and privilege.
After their rejection and abandonment of Jesus on that fatal weekend they still clung together in bewilderment only to have Jesus appear with the incrdibly merciful, “Peace be with you” (Jn 20:21) there was no finger pointing only unconditional acceptance and encouragement. Now with this last piece of the puzzle, the Resurrection in their hand, it was their job to put the mystery of Jesus together in their lives. This experience of God’s mercy renewed their commitment. They were ready to shed the uncertainty and fright and walk with Jesus in spite of the continuing ambiguity of life.
The disciples are a good mirror for us. We share their uncertainty and anxiety in the midst or our illusions that move us to seek happiness and security in the wrong places.
We too suffer the consequences of a fragmented heart. We try to get by with the minimun for God and the maximun for ourselves. However, there tends to eventually surface an emptiness deep in our being. The “does” and “don’ts” or our religion no longer are enough. The question or the rich young man is rooted in the inevitable pull of the heart for something more.
This is where we move from our comfortable and safe approach to God in our religious rituals and practices to a search for something more profound. Spirituality is the whole process of growth from inauthenticity into full relationship with God and the possession one’s truth in the image of God. Spirituality draws us into the struggle where we move away from the shallow and illusionary to a more authentic relationship with God.This is a move from the formality of religion to the richness of uathenticity on a deeper spiritual path.
It is right at this juncture that the genius of St. Teresa of Avila can be a great help. She is called the Mother of spirituality. She offers us the challenge of addressing a few fundamental steps to grasp the call of personal authenticity that is central to any spirituality. First we need to grow in self-knowledge that leads to humility. We then accept the consequences of this emerging insight: the interplay of our personal limits and the mercy of God. This is all done in prayer which she describes as a conversation with someone we know loves us. Keeping our eyes fixed on Jesus integrates this development. This is the story of the disciples. This is our story if we are open to the call.
For Teresa it is the personal encounter with Jesus that unveils the loving mercy of God. This gift has its privileged communication in prayer. Prayer is alvays her top priority. The prayerful encounter with Jesus constantly stands at the center of our pursuit of God, the final desire of hte human heart.
The Gospels are structured so that we, like Peter and the rest, meet Jesus in the wonders of his ministry. We are called to witness his teachings and healings. We are challenged to respond to his radical message of forgiveness and inclusion. We are invited to ponder the wonder of his compassion. We are invited to enter into the stories. It helps to see ourselves as the person who gains sight, the leper who is cleansed, the paralytic who is forgiven and healed.
In this way we are led to the critical question, “who do you say I am?” (Mk 8:29) there is no more important question and challenge in our life. Who is Jesus for me?
For the disciples and us the message comes slowly. We are on the road but our encounter with Jesus is always partial and incomplete
The encounter with Jesus always comes at a price, and a price that continues to escalate. At the heart of the encounter with Jesus is a transition moving from our vision for happiness, from our priorities, to Jesus’ vision and call. This conversion process repeats itself as we stay faithful with Jesus on the road to Jerusalem. Prayer leads to an ever expanding awareness of God’s will. A new and deeper experience of prayer flowing from this conversion empowers us to live in a way that is more and more guided by God’s will. Eventually it calls us to say no to all that is not God. This struggle gradually reveals that the story of our life is the story of God’s mercy.
