The most common observation from people who have not seen in a while is, “You look great!” Another comment is from those who learn my age: “I can’t believe you are 81!” The one I dislike the most is, “Hello, young man.” I must admit, however, I enjoy it when the “card me” when I leave my shoes on passing through airport security.
All of these greetings and approaches are a distorted assessment of aging. They are well intentioned but are rooted in the “big lie”: youth is good and aging is bad.
God does not agree. Aging is every bit part of the divine plan as a healthy middle age or a confused adolescence. God loves us equally as infants or as young adults.
God does not buy into the “big lie” that youth is precious and aging needs to be avoided at all costs. The clock holds no dread for God. God only sees the gift of life moving toward union with the Mystery of Love revealed in Jesus.
The “big lie” that youth is good and aging is bad has fostered a multibillion dollar industry. Its propaganda permeates all levels of our society. It is propping up a lifestyle of deception and distortion. Eventually, the uncompromising demands of time demolish the lie. The myth of eternal youth gets shattered by the simple and relentless tic-toc of the clock. We are all getting older. For God, this is good. God asks us to go with the flow, get in touch with the program. Aging is good because death is very much part of life.
II
God’s PlanOur destiny is union with God. This is the ultimate and defining purpose of our existence. This is the deepest hunger in our heart. Therefore, in God’s eyes, the present moment is the precious possibility of new life and new love when we respond to God generously and in truth. In this context, every stage of life is equally beautiful but the source of different responsibilities.
In this setting, the final years are a time of diminishment according to God’s design. God has built into the physical reality aids to help us keep our eyes on the prize: passage to eternal life.
In his classic, Divine Milieu, Teilhard de Chardin offered this marvelous insight into the aging process:
“When the signs of age begin to make my body (and still more when they touch my mind); when the painful moment comes in which I suddenly awaken to the fact that I am ill or growing old…in all these dark moments , O God, grant that I may understand that it is you (provided only my faith is strong enough) Who are painfully parting the fibers of my being in order to penetrate to the very marrow of my substance and bear me away within yourself.” (pp 89-90)
Understanding and accepting that death is an integral and inevitable part of life is a great gift. It is the beginning of liberation from the “big lie”. There is great freedom when we accept reality as it is, not as our consumer-driven culture proclaims it. Our present life is a means to an end, not an end in itself. We are destined to eternal life. This needs to be the focus in which we interpret reality.
When we truly understand the gift of aging, we are in tune with God’s plan. We are called to embrace life in all its possibilities and with true authenticity. This demands that we avoid the trap of seeing aging as a curse to be resisted. Even more important, we need to reject any commitment to maintain a youthful lifestyle that flows from the “big lie.”
Likewise, we are not invited to endure the aging process as a tragic and crippling experience. We have to resist living in the past or seeking security in our pet. We are called to embrace our humanity in a new way, with growing wisdom. These new insights help us to see the connection of love in our life as totally flowing toward the love of God as our true destiny. Our relations with others offer incredibly new and enrichening possibilities in this fresh perspective. Rather than negating our humanity in old age, we need to see it as the flowering of our humanity on the way from here to a new horizon of God alone. The desire to seek God and to find that goal in love, slowly emerges as the only thing that matters. This allows us to have a positive experience of the diminishments of the aging process. This draws us into God’s truth that life is good whether in the beginning, the middle or the end.
III
Here on the Way to There
All of Teresa of Avila’s teaching is rooted in a call to acceptance of reality. She accepts God as the loving Creator and Redeemer. She accepts herself as the poor, sinful creature yet loved and forgiven by this merciful God. Getting real gages all our experience by one goal: to be one with the merciful and loving God revealed in Christ Crucified and Christ Risen. Teresa knew where she was and where she was going. All of life has to pass through this lens of accepting reality.
For Teresa, it was a gross distortion to live as if death did not exist. This deception has grave consequences for our life. The normal and natural losses of old age are built in preparation for our destiny: being in union with God. God’s plan is that all the losses are simply a purifying experience preparing us for the gift of new life that awaits us. Physically, each day brings new losses and new challenges. Socially, attendance at funerals is a sign of the passing of our generation. We see life slipping away before our very eyes. Psychologically, our memory, our attention span, our intellectual skills along with the ability recognize old acquaintances all are in a slow process of unveiling a new painful experience.
The “big lie” has placed us in a life-long dilemma of thinking we are already there. We think our destiny is in this life. The distortion of this half-life denies death and embraces youth. Soon enough, it is caught in the avalanche of losses and depletions that can seem so senseless and overwhelming. We need to name the lie and say yes to the reality. God is calling us in love and mercy.
God wants to help us. He has a bucket list for us that is quite different from the standard fare of these often-exotic lists.
The first item is to embrace the gift of time that aging opens up for us. This is an opportunity to reflect on life. As our days become less cluttered, the gift of newly minted wisdom allows us to see both the good and the bad in our life. Clarity brings us to rejoice in the mercy of God.
The second item is to take advantage of the opening to know ourselves as never before. We have nothing left to prove. As the truth emerges, so many issues that seemed in “the life or death” category just evaporate into insignificance. We slowly enter into the truth expressed so beautifully by John of the Cross, “In the twilight of life, only love matters.”
The third item on God’s list for us is the work of reconciliation and healing of memories. We all have deep hurts and hostilities that need to be addressed. The final years offer a freedom and maturity that open new possibilities of forgiveness, reconciliation and peace.
Finally, God invites us to use the approaching finale to prepare for the future. We are more than on the way. The train is approaching the station. We need to continue to grow in our acceptance of death as a loving invitation to new life. Fear has to be transformed into hope. This is the task of our final years. As the Mass of the Resurrection states so beautifully:
Indeed, for your faithful Lord,
Life is changed not ended,
And when, this earthy dwelling turns to dust,
An eternal dwelling is made ready for them in heaven.
IV
Dying and Death: Quite a Difference!
I remember visiting the senior citizens for communion calls where I regularly had to turn off the TV before sharing the Eucharist. For most, life was filled with any distraction possible. TV was a cheap and accessible option. They lived in a program of avoidance slowly giving way to acceptance of the inevitability of death. This seems the operative mode, varying in style significantly, according to the economic situation of individuals. Sooner or later, health gives way. The crisis is in full bloom. We are driven to ask, “Is this all there is?”
The dying process begins. The final stripping, the last stages of purification eventually arrive. This is a true participation in the Pascual Mystery. The final conflict of good and evil is at hand. Most often it is difficult and burdensome. In some cases, it seems senselessly brutal and bewildering. In all instances, the experience of dying is something to be endured. Dying in all its various manifestations is dramatically different than death.
Death is an act of freedom. Death is a final yes to God that opens up to light and peace engulfed in unending love. Death is the great act of completion that begins the new life in the mystery of God’s love for eternity. Dying is Jesus on the Cross. Death is the Resurrection.
Conclusion
The Church, particularly at the parish level, needs an examination of conscience on this area of aging. No doubt, there is much going on in the programs of service such as Senior groups, communion calls, nursing homes and, in growing prominence, hospice activities.
A central task in this ministry is challenging the dominant heresy of consumer culture, the idol of youth.
We need a spirituality of aging that addresses the journey from the passing of the ultimate vestiges of youth in the final days of middle age to the ultimate opening that concludes with experience of dying and death.
God is present in a new and life-giving way at every step along the way. Any authentic spirituality of aging will free people to embrace the beauty of their reality. This task is the final step of evangelization proclaiming the Good News in the Risen Savior who has many mansions awaiting us in His Father’s house.
Editorial note:
One of my favorite authors is William Shannon, a Merton scholar who re-introduced me to Merton. Much of the material in this blog has been influenced by his book, Here on the Way to There: A Catholic Perspective on Dying and What Follows.
