#2 P.10I can honestly say, then, that it was my work with addicted people, and the consequent realization of my own addictive behavior, that brought me to my knees. I am glad. Grace was there. If my attachments had not caused me to fail miserably at controlling my life and work, I doubt I ever would have recovered the spiritual desire and the sense of God that had been so precious to me as a child. Compared to what happens to people who suffer from alcoholism or narcotic addiction, what happened to me may not seem much of a “rock bottom.” But it had the same grace-full effect. To state it quite simply, I had tried to run my life on the basis of my own willpower alone. When my supply of success at this egotistic autonomy ran out, I became depressed. And with the depression, by means of grace, came a chance for spiritual openness.
I never did learn how to make spiritual experiences happen to chemically addicted people so their lives would be transformed. I didn’t learn much of anything that helped me treat addictions, or for that matter any other form of illness. But I did become slightly more humble, through a growing appreciation of what I could and could not do to help myself or anyone else. I also learned that all people are addicts, and that addictions to alcohol and other drugs are simply more obvious and tragic addictions than others have. To be alive is to be addicted, and to be alive and addicted is to stand in need of grace.
My reflection:
In this short passage at the beginning of his book, Addiction and Grace, Gerald May touches on sevral themes that have surfaced in my blog presentations. The first and foremost is self-knowledge. May advances to the point of seeing he cannot control his life. He slowly understands his dependence on God and God’s grace. Most of all, he sees his weakness as a gift from God. He grasps the reality central to all self-knoledge: God is God. We are the creatures.
From this self-knowledge May begins to see that God loves us first and loves us as we are. He had hopes of great breakthroughs in his professional activity. In this area he came up empty. He was not able to heal the addicted patients through his new- found spirituallity. He was, however, able to learn of his own addictions and their power as an obstacle in seeking God.
Slimply to see the power and universality of addictions was a great breathrough. It became a gateway to a whole new directiion in his life. It offered a great insight leading to his ability to touch countless lives by his personal service, teachings and writings. In the end,his human sinfulness opened him up to the awareness of grace in all life.
Relevant blog posts:
- 1-Self-knowledge: “As we grow in self-knowledge, we all celebrate our lives as immersed in the sea of God’s mercies. Self-knowledgge will gradually bring us to embrace the wonder of this gift.”
- 2-Addiction: “These habits of attachment make life easier at first but gradually we slide from the freedom of love to the fear of loss. Many attachments deteriorate into addictions which further cut into our freedom in an escalating degree of compulsion.”
- 3-To get real: “Teresa’s prayer is an invitation to get real, to be open to life in all its brokenness and limits, as well as to its beauty and wonder. This is where we encounter God, not in the illusions and deceptions of our self-centered heart seeking to control reality.”
- 4-“In the Hideen ground of love: (God’s presence within us) God is always taking the initiative. God never stops beckoning us to true life…Life is the greatest grace because of the divinge bonding.”
- 5-“God’s mercy is always on the prowl: always seeking us. A mystic of the Middle Ages, Julian of Norwich, put it beautifully when shes said, “First comes the fall and then the recovery. Both are the mercy of God.” Her messagge is clear. Even in our sin god finds a way to love us.
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