Recently, a friend of mine had a medical crisis that made it clear he had to change his lifestyle. Herecognized he had a lot of adjustments to make. He shared with me his surprising insight that giving up cookies was the most difficult for him.
I told him a relevant saying from Alcoholics Anonymous: “One is too many and a hundred is not enough.” When he heard it, his eyes sparkled and he said, “That fits perfectly with my cookie problem.”
AA and all other twelve step programs are all rooted in activities to help the individuals surface the hidden agendas that have been destructive in their lives. This new awareness is a painful practice. As a consequence, we all are very reluctant to unearth these hidden truths about ourselves. That is why my friend only became aware of his “cookie problem” in the midst of his health crisis.
Thomas Merton recognized the main issue in learning about ourselves. Discerning the treasures of our spiritual tradition of faith, he created the term “false self” to describe the massive self-deception that is heart of each of our lives. The false self is the power operating within all of us to make reality center on us. We are driven to a slanted interpretation of whatever affects our comfort, privilege, prestige and particularly our ability to control things to our advantage. Through the false self we interpret reality in a twisted and one-sided way to protect our self-interest. We all have our “cookie” blindness in literally thousands of issues.
Our social, economic, cultural and personal plans join together to create a false consciousness that tends to protect our privilege in many areas of our life. This is at the heart of our society’s problems and divisions in our times.
Here are two examples in our present situation. The civil rights movement and the gay agenda both have slowly raised consciousness of society’s blindness in these areas. In the midst of much progress, there is a long way to go for a just resolution of the situation. At the heart of the continuing difficulty with these changes is both the communal and personal false self operating to protect the status quo.
Another issue of false consciousness is the idolization of youth. People support businesses with purchases costing billions of dollars to maintain the illusion of youth. Clearly, God is not into the youth- preserving program. Otherwise, God would have no problem changing the clock.
II
The false self promotes these social and personal biases that operate within our mind and heart. When we begin to pray regularly, these false issues gradually surface. We are challenged to change. The scriptures are particularly forceful in attacking the false idols we cherish. One powerful manifestation of this attack on the false self is in the description of Elijah and the deceitful prophets of Baal. In a delightful story in 1 Kings 18 Elijah makes the final challenge to the people who are hesitating on a commitment. Elijah says, “How long will you straddle the issue? If the Lord is God, follow him, if Baal, follow him.” (1 Kings 18:21) It is a question for the ages.
It seems like an easy choice for us. However, when Baal comes in the form of money, a more comfortable lifestyle, our bigotries, and especially the “cookies” of our addictions, the choice becomes a great deal more clouded. All these, and so many more, are the powerful lies of the false self. The work of the false self is to “straddle the issue” and maintain control of putting us at the center of our world. This is the true agenda of the false self: self-absorption that turns us away from the true reality of God as the center of all things.
Freedom from the false self is imbedded in faithfulness to the spiritual journey. On the pilgrimage to God, prayer is the critical factor. Encountering God’s Word in Jesus, we soon grasp the importance of dealing with the false self. This leads to humility and self-knowledge.
III
Teresa of Avila is the most prominent teacher about self-knowledge and prayer. Self-knowledge was based on two important facts for this Carmelite mystic. In the first point, she became aware that her false self pulled her in many directions. They all led away from God. She identified the depth and power of her sinfulness in her fragmented heart. Likewise, she slowly accepted her helplessness to change.
The second issue was this: she slowly realized the depth of God’s love and mercy. She was loved and forgiven. She lived in a sea of mercy. Teresa thus embraced life rooted in her helpless sinfulness wrapped in the loving mercy God. She was the creature caught in sin but, at the same time, a loved and forgiven child of God. God is the creator revealing the immensity of the divine power in love and mercy. She developed all her teachings on these insights.
Teresa also described another dimension of the false self. When the individual makes a genuine effort to be more generous in prayer and honest in facing the false self, there is a new and hidden deception that arises in the heart.
Most often, the false self goes underground. Its new disguise is self-righteous attitudes wrapped up in the posture of virtue. This becomes a real challenge for religious people. In the time of new spiritual growth, the false self finds novel areas to penetrate with its deception. The issues of control and prestige, the realities of division and isolation are caught in a constant struggle for power in all religious practice. These selfish attitudes are the root of the hypocrisy that plagues all churches. The fundamental issue is still the false self. Now, however, it uses religion and various expressions of pious activities to once again seek power, prestige, privilege and control.
IV
The great and final temptation of the false self is to create Jesus in our own image. This involves using the Gospel to fashion a comfortable bargain with the world. At the heart of this compromise is the goal of maintaining the false self, “all in the name of Jesus.” This is the affliction, in one way or another, of all religion. The apostles struggled mightily with this temptation.
The second half of the Gospel of St. Mark is especially insightful about the apostles experience of the false self. In their struggle, the ultimate solution was keeping their eyes fixed on Jesus. This led to the road to Jerusalem. This meant taking up the Cross and dying to self. The apostles only arrived at this point after the experience of the Resurrection and the gift of the Holy Spirit. These were possible because of their struggle in darkness did not lead to abandonment but final acceptance of Jesus’ call. Only faithful discipline that leads to deep personal prayer will allow one to handle the deceptive maneuverings of the false self on the passage to spiritual maturity. What was true for the apostles is true for all followers of Christ today.
Jesus was clear and forceful on this issue. He insists on the need to die to the false self. This is the true conversion that refocuses our life putting God at the center and moving away from the false self:
“If anyone wants to be first, he must make himself last of all.” (Mk 9: 35-36)
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Mt 10:39)
“Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.” (Mt 16:24)
“Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” (Jn 12:24)
We will be in the battle until God gives us the final freedom of the true self in contemplation. In the meanwhile “the grace is in the struggle.”
