For this reason, the purest acts of faith always feel like risks. Instead of leading to absolute quietude and serenity, true spiritual growth is characterized by increasingly deep risk- taking. Growth in faith means willingness to trust God more and more, not only in those areas of our lives where we are most successful, but also, and most significantly, at those levels where we are most vulnerable, wounded, and weak. It is where our personal power seems most defeated that we are given the most profound opportunities to act in true faith. The purest faith is enacted when all we can choose is to relax our hands or clench them, to turn wordlessly toward or away from God. This tiny option, the faith Jesus measured as the size of a mustard seed, is where grace and the human spirit embrace in absolute perfection and explode in world-changing power.”
My Reflection:
One of the most clear and consistent messages of Gerald May is that life is complex in the extreme. His teachings are so contrary to popular religion where we find Jesus and all is well where not only do we have personal peace but prosperity is on the way.Addiction and Grace points out that we are in the struggle to the end. The conflict of grace and addiction in our searching is ever-more demanding even in the midst of hunger for clarity. The saving presence of God, according to May, is ever-present but seldom gifted with transparency and peace.
This particular passage from May is a good example. Faith demands risks. Even when we take the risks, we most often expect light and comfort. The movement is to trust God more and ourselves less. Consequently, spiritual growth exposes our weaknesses rather than allowing us to celebrate in our strength.
This is played out in the story of the disciples and Jesus’ call to join him on the road to Jerusalem. Each day was a further shattering of the dreams of power, privilege and prestige. Each day opened to further confusion and growing fear. Each day their idea of Jesus’ mission slipped further into a darkening threat of chaos. The growing gloom, in reality, was a purification of their false values and misunderstanding of who Jesus was as the Suffering Messiah. Very slowly, they would eventually grasp that there is life in death, power in weakness, privilege in service along with so many other common-sense shattering teachings of Jesus. It was not an easy journey for them nor is it easy for us. May helps us to understand this.
Jesus was patient with the disciples and he is patient with us as we face risks and shattered dreams.
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