IIn the first, having set up the need and desire to change, I have the people place their hand over their heart. Then I ask them to imagine that person the very person who is bringing so much pain in their heart. Then I ask them to dig in with their fist and pull that adversary out of their heart. Finally, I ask that they stretch out their hand, open their fist and simply blow that person away thus freeing their heart of this heavy burden.
In the second exercise, I refer to the Second Eucharistic Prayer for Children. I point out a statement that we should get rid of “hate that makes us all unhappy.” Then I follow up with an invitation to another part of this beautiful prayer: “all those we do not love as we should.” I ask them to list some who fit this description.
These are good exercises that raise consciousness of the hurt and resentment we carry in our heart. Then I point out how difficult it is to truly reconcile our hearts to a forgiving and accepting of the other who has hurt us. This is a critical question for all of us on the Christian journey. We all have serious problems with certain individuals and groups in our life. Often, these persons are close to us. How do we transcend our egoism, our self-righteousness, our judgmental attitude? These expressions of selfishness are some of the many obstacles that keep us from reaching out in unconditional love. This is the love God has for them. This is the mandate repeated over and over in the Gospel? “Love one another as I have loved you.”
II
I would like to suggest three brief lessons Jesus has on this topic of love for the enemy. The first is the statement to get rid of the log before we attempt to take out the sliver in our neighbor’s eye. This insight is a magnificent expression of our human reality. Only after much maturity in the Christian life do we recognize our tendency to judge others out of our self-righteousness. That blinds us to many other sides of the story.On the Cross, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them for they know what they are doing.” We are ever so willing to accept this forgiveness for ourselves. Yet, we generally are truly hesitant to share Jesus’ forgiveness for those at the top of our hostility list.
Finally, Jesus appeared to the disciples that first Easter evening. His message was simple and clear. “Peace be with you.” The peace was granted not because they were faithful. In fact, they were shameful in a scandalous way in their rejection of Jesus. This peace was because God is a God of love and mercy and accepts us in our brokenness. God wants us to share that love and peace with all our brothers and sisters especially those on the “Big Hurt” list in the depths of our heart.
III
There was a special meaning in the peace greeting of Jesus for the disciples. The word for peace for the Jewish language is Shalom. It contains a meaning far beyond the lack of war and hostilities. Shalom means a wholeness, a completeness according to God’s plan. People are the possessors of this peace when they obtain the wholeness that God intends for them. They have this peace when they live in justice and truth, love and reconciliation.In the Hebrew Scriptures, there was Shalom at the beginning and there will be Shalom at the end. In the meanwhile, it is our task to seek this great gift by a life in the footsteps of Jesus. A central part of this passage is to take the log out our eye, to forgive and to live in the gift of peace that Jesus continually offers us.
IV
This gift of peace can help us face the seemingly overwhelming task of forgiveness. To do this, first, we have to say it is possible. This is a great hurdle for us.Our finding fault with others, our harsh words, spoken and unspoken, our judgmental attitude and our clinging to the grudges from our hurt are not inevitable for us. We can change.
Jesus brought to the world unconditional love. All his teachings are an invitation to share that love. It is this love without conditions and without limits that is the basis for Shalom.
The following statements are a gateway to conquering the “Big Hurt” by eliminating the bitterness and antagonism that drains the life from our hearts. These hearts were made for God’s peace, Shalom, not the destructive presence of hatred.
- The resolution of a conflict is not going to be the conversion of the other to my point of view. It will be a change within myself to expand my attitude in a way that reduces hostility.
- We tend to label people, and then, having pigeonholed them, we refuse to think they can change.
- We need to seek salvation of our opponent and not his or her humiliation and defeat.
- Often the deepest hostility for Christians is against those who are working for the same case.
- To deal with the depths of the demands of charity, a person needs to work on self-purification of mind and heart.
- This helps us to gradually understand we do not have a monopoly on the truth. We need to listen and be willing to dialogue if possible.
- Thomas Merton often warned people in the peace movement of the need to rid themselves of the hidden aggressions that so often are present in us and go unnoticed because we feel so sure of the righteousness of our position. We must empty ourselves of ill-will and hostility toward the opponent.
- Martin Luther King often quoted this statement from Booker T. Washington. “Let no one pull you so low as to make you hate him.”
- It is love that comes from within and goes out to the other not because a lovableness of the person’s actions but because one sees a human dignity, the very image of God, that even violence and evil cannot erase.
- It is a love that looks not for the lovableness of the other but for his or her need, especially for the need to be humanized.
This material is just the tip of the ice burg on Thomas Merton’s teachings on non-violence. They are a practical guide for most of us to begin to forgive the “Big Hurt.”
