John 20:19-31
When you think about it, the disciples had a really devastating seventy two hours from the washing of the feet on Thursday to the visit of the Risen Christ on Sunday evening. Of course, Peter leads the way in the trauma department.
Wash my feet! Never! Then my hands and face also! I will be willing to die rather than deny you! I do not know the man! Peter "went out and wept bitterly.” (Lk.22:62) “The doors were closed in the room where the disciples were, for fear of the Jews.” (Jn 20:19) It was a short trip from total arrogance to total devastation.
They were engulfed in shattered dreams and wrapped up in fear and pain. Slowly they realized the events of the weekend not only exposed them as losers for wasting three years of their life chasing an illusion but now they were in danger of doing time in prison and maybe even losing their lives.
Crisis management did not give them much time to let the depth of their loss sink in. Likewise, they were unable to see with any clarity the extent of their personal cowardice in their flight and rejection after three years of intimacy at the feet of Jesus. Self knowledge does take a long time!
Then in the midst of the pain, the fear, the loss and utter confusion they see Him and hear, “Peace be with you.” Jn 20:19.
They had a lot of experience with the upside down world of Jesus. However, nothing prepared them for this. In an instant defeat and failure are now victory and triumph. Darkness is now light. Abandonment leads to embrace. Sin and denial are washed away in love and healing. Indeed, “Peace be with you.”
No wonder the Church invites us to ponder and pray about this awesome mystery of the Resurrection for the next seven weeks. There is a lot to take in.
If we are willing to dig deep enough, we gradually will see the story of our lives in the vulnerability of the disciples. We will see the dominance and control of our fear and anxieties giving way to hope. We will see and embrace our God’s forgiveness, “Whose sins you shall forgive are forgiven them”. (Jn 20:23)
Indeed, Christ is risen! Alleluia! When we enter into this deepest reality of our lives nothing will ever be the same again.
Like the disciples we are loved in our brokenness. We are accepted in our weakness. Slowly we will get a glimmer of the love Jesus has for us. It is without limit or condition. It is a treasure we can hardly grasp. Whether we grasp it or not, the goal of our spiritual journey in life is to let the power and beauty of this love transform us into a new creation just as it did for the disciples.
In Christ,
Fr. Tracy O’ Sullivan, O. Carm
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