This is the sixth of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.In our day, we are gifted with many different and effective programs that deal with various pathological addictions. The heart of all these movements of freedom from addiction is self-knowledge.
In the long spiritual tradition of the Church, we have shared the same basic insight. At the heart of the True Self/False Self dynamic is the critical and life-giving issue of self-knowledge.
Self-Knowledge: Key to the Spiritual Journey
While the issues of pathological addictions seem far removed from the spiritual journey of most who are not burdened in this way, the basic pattern is the same for all of us. Self-knowledge demands a relentless quest for a deeper and more extensive awareness of our personal reality. The demands and benefits of self-knowledge will never be exhausted in this lifetime. Learning what truly is going on within ourselves is a task that is never completed. One way of getting insight into the search for self-knowledge is seeing the conflict in our lives as a struggle between the False Self and the True Self, between sin and graceThe False Self involves layer after layer of self-deception, delusions and a sense of self-grandiosity that places us at the center of our consciousness. We tend to become blinded to our faults and failures and, more importantly, to the presence of God at the true center of our being. We emphasize the shortcomings of others. Jesus put it ever so clearly when he compared our blindness to a log in our eye in contrast to our stress on the splinter in our neighbor’s eye. (Mt 7:3) Self-righteousness dominates our worldview. As we become aware of the false values flowing from our fragmented heart, we find ourselves facing a fork in the road.
We have a choice of life or death. We choose death when we double down on the clamoring of the False Self for more attention. We choose life when we open ourselves to the mercy of God which draws us toward the True Self. At the heart of this decision is the perennial challenge of knowing ourselves.
Teresa of Avila was unyielding in declaring the importance of self-knowledge as our guide for the path to God in the center of our being. In one of her many statements on self-knowledge she said:
“Well now, it is foolish to think that we will enter heaven without entering ourselves, reflecting on our misery and what we owe God and begging Him often for mercy.” (IC 2.1.11)
Many of the gospel mandates are an expression of this practice of leaving the False Self of our self-centeredness and moving on to the True Self which is seeking God at our center. In Mark we read: “If anyone wants to be first, he must make himself last of all.” (Mk 9:35) Matthew tells us: “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Mt 10:39) Again, John says: “Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains a grain of wheat, but if it dies, it produces much fruit.” (Jn 12:24) Finally, Matthew adds: “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.” (Mt 16:24)
Conclusion
Teresa of Avila offers a wonderful vision of the connection between the True Self/False Self dynamic and self-knowledge. For her, self-knowledge always is a critical component in one’s search for God. It is a movement from the False Self to the True Self.In the First Dwelling Places of her classic, The Interior Castle, the individual has the first glimpse of a life beyond the crippling confines of the False Self.
In the Second Dwelling Places the life-giving forces of the True Self make an initial thrust in one’ consciousness. This leads to the beginning of a prayer life and an opening conversion. Likewise, growth in self-awareness lets one see the first stages of evil in one’s life. Even in these minimal phases, the acceptance of one’s sinfulness is a real breakthrough.
These early steps away from the blinding control of the False Self sow the seeds of freedom in the True Self’s rise to consciousness. This is the path to greater self-knowledge.
This self-knowledge, with the shocking realization of one’s sinfulness, leads to a rich experience in prayer and spiritual progress in the Third Dwelling Places. Here there is the introduction into a baffling paradox: real spiritual progress flows from deeper self-knowledge of one’s sinfulness. This, in fact, is a new insight to the truly deceptive bondage of the False Self. We are on the road to learning that we are truly sinners, but loved and forgiven sinners called to journey to freedom and joy in our new ability to live out our True Self in the footsteps of Jesus. This program continues in the contemplative shift that calls us into the remaining Dwelling Places of The Interior Castle.
