THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-9

Prayer: Pathway to Personal Renewal 

This is the ninth of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

The Carmelite tradition states clearly that we are called to union with God as the goal of our full human development. This is another way of saying that our goal is the victory of the True Self. This is the pilgrimage to the innocence of Paradise. We achieve this transformation by a process of purification that begins with our effort to live an authentic and prayerful life. It concludes by the action of God in the state of contemplation. Our Christian life leads us through prayer to the experience of God that purifies and transforms us.

St. Teresa of Avila had a high regard for vocal prayer. For her, the key point was that we need to pay attention to whom we are praying along with the message of the words of the prayer. The common practice of mental prayer in her day was called meditation. It involved using the mind and the imagination to stir the heart. It led her to one of her more famous sayings, “For mental prayer, in my opinion, is nothing else than intimate sharing between friends. It means taking the time to be alone with Him whom we know loves us.” (L 8.5)

The thinking and imagining of meditation are meant to stir the heart to know Christ better and to seek God’s will. This develops our personal transformation. Teresa told us the goal of prayer is “not to think much but to love much.” (IC.4.1.7)

Teresa always saw prayer’s importance as drawing us into a deeper loving relationship with Christ. Meditation for Teresa was a necessary endeavor. With growth and dedication, the hope is that God will call us into the gift of contemplation. In the meanwhile, we need to make the steady practice to pray as we can each day.

Effects of Prayer

When we pray regularly with deep personal commitment, things happen within us. The purification and transformation are witnessed in a new consciousness. We begin to trust with a new sense of spiritual security. Faith leads us to be open to God leading the way, guiding us through the darkness. Our relationships are enriched with a new sense of compassion. Likewise, we become more accepting and gentler with ourselves and with others. Failures become less traumatic and even seem like an opening to let God take over. Our faults are accepted. We do not need to be in endless pursuit of looking good. We begin to see our search for personal worthiness as truly laughable without God’s mercy

As our prayer becomes more authentic, there is a movement to our true center where God is. This means moving beyond the superficial self, the self-engrossed in the advertising world of never-ending new products to fill the void of a misdirected heart. This is the self-propped up by a lifetime pattern of self-absorption. This is the False Self. Prayer opens the passage to the True Self. While this journey inward in prayer offers innumerable blessings, it is always limited and deficient. It gradually allows us to see how distant we are from our real destiny: union with God.

With this new focus on God in prayer, there are even more deep-seated changes within us. We begin to see the need for more honesty and authenticity in all our relationships to persons, things and ideas. We find it easier to cast out the log in our eye and to be more accepting of others in all their faults. The either/or situations begin to fade away. The both/and view of life blossoms as a real possibility for us. Finally, we gradually begin to experience life as rooted in an overwhelming sense of God’s gracious presence. Prayer, indeed, opens the road for our return to Paradise. This is the experience of moving from the False Self to the True Self.

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-8

This is the eighth of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

Teresa repeats over and over again: humility is the truth. Our essential reality is that God is the Creator and we are the creature. This essential virtue helps us to recognize and accept the actual person we are before God. Humility lets us integrate this certain truth.

Humility is not about a loss of self-esteem. This is a dishonest and damaging application of humility. Such a state is disturbing and conflicted. Teresa, on the contrary, says, “Humility does not disturb or disquiet however great it may be; it comes with peace, delight, and calm…this humility expands the soul and enables it to serve God more.” (W. 10.2)

To know and embrace the humble truth about ourselves is the source of our freedom. As we break away from the bondage of the False Self, we slowly begin to see more clearly who God is. This is the essential source of our humility. With the ascendance of the True Self, we also see the truth about ourselves. Humility opens us up to the necessary personal conversion that leads to constant growth in self-knowledge. It lets us grasp the wonder of God calling us into the Mystery of Love, even given the power of the False Self. Through the gift of humility, God allows us to see the unrelenting divine embrace of mercy and love even in the midst of our many faults and failures.

Teresa has numerous statements on humility. The following one, however, seems to best capture her basic message on the topic of this virtue.

“Once I was pondering why our Lord was so fond of this virtue of humility and this thought came to me… It is because God is supreme Truth; and to be humble is to walk in truth, for it is a very deep truth that of ourselves we have nothing good but only misery and nothingness. Whoever does not understand this walks in falsehood.” (IC 6.10.7)

Merton has a practical application of the insight of Teresa. He says we seldom see the truth that would lead to the solution of our personal, social and political problems. We need to recognize that we all are more or less wrong in one way or another, we share mixed motives, self-deception, pride, self-righteousness, and a tendency to aggression not to mention hypocrisy.

The Big Lie of “Honor”
A good example of living the lie for Teresa was the dominating role of “honor” in her time. For Teresa, this was a lie that infiltrated all of society, and even religious life. It is not that much different in our day. Countless petty grievances rooted in a false sense of respect, privilege, prestige and control prohibit the path to forgiveness and reconciliation. Walking in the truth of humility frees us from this crippling false consciousness that is a singular obstacle to love of God and love of neighbor.

The Humble Father of the Two Sons
Recently, I was reflecting on the parable of the Two Sons. I began to realize that it was a powerful example of true humility in the person of the father.

The whole scene of the returning Prodigal Son is a litany of violations of the expected behavior for the father. It was totally uncouth to leave the house, and even worst, to run. The embrace was completely out of character for an older man in this culture. The fattened calf in these circumstances was simply unheard of. Every accepted ritual for an offended father was shattered resulting in a total loss of dignity. All the broken cultural norms gave further force to the father’s overwhelming cry: I love you! I forgive you! I accept you in great joy! You are back and nothing else matters. On with the party!

The same routine, in a more subtle way, was carried out in the case of the second son.

The father left the house once again in violation of the demands of his dignity. He gave no credence to the despicable description of him as a horrible and unconcerned father. The hostility and anger were met with his hand reaching out in mercy and understanding. The self-pity was countered with a declaration that all that he had was intended for his son. The withdrawal was challenged with the invitation to join the celebration.

The father had before him the clear biblical choice of life or death. On the one hand, he had the societal requirement of what was fitting behavior for a deeply offended father. He had the choice of protecting the respect and privilege appropriate to his role as a severely insulted father. It was his right to apply the painful consequences of this outrageous neglect of parental privilege. All of this was propped up by the expectations of his culture and societal rituals of parental respect. It was a non-negotiable fact that his honor must be protected. On the other hand, if he chose this set of values, it was death to his two sons.

His choice of life, driven by his humility, set him free from the crippling demands of respect and privilege demanded by society’s rigid norms. This is a clear and forceful example of a choice of the True Self over the False Self. Now, his humble presence to the two sons offered them life and freedom. It was a rich expression of God’s Truth.

Reconciling Power of Humility
All of us suffer from the biased perceptions that protect our claims of privilege, prestige and control. This is the false consciousness that strangles and blinds the possibility of reconciling love and forgiveness. Teresa has this to say about this death-dealing mentality.

“You should run a thousand miles from such expressions as: “I was right.” “They had no reason for doing this to me.” “The one who did this to me was wrong.” God deliver us from this poor way of reason. Does it seem right that our good Jesus suffered so many insults and was made to undergo so much injustice? I don’t know why the nun who doesn’t want to carry the cross, except the one that seems to her reasonable, is in the monastery.” (W 13.1-2)

To reconcile, we need to forget ourselves in humility. This frees us from the possessiveness of our works and reputation that are a blockage to serving God and living in harmony with our brothers and sisters. Here, again, we have an example of the power of the True Self in action.

The Story of God’s Mercy
Humility helps us appreciate two fundamental truths about our human condition. We are created in the image of God and union with God is our true destiny. Right at the beginning of The Interior Castle Teresa says: “We realize that the soul of a good person is nothing else but a paradise where the Lord says He finds His delight.” (IC 1.1) The other truth is a basic challenge to our true destiny. Without the mercy of God, we are caught in a helpless impasse. These two truths are at the heart of the struggle between the True Self and the False Self.

Our task is to accept this two-fold truth of our broken situation. We are helpless sinners but loved and forgiven in Christ Jesus our Savior. This is the reality rooted in the True Self. This the reality that humility opens to us as we are gradually set free from the immobilizing captivity of sin rooted in the False Self.

Hopefully, we will accept the truth of who God is and who we are. Then, we can share the truth of humility with Teresa and say: “The story of my life is the story of God’s mercy.”

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-7

This is the seventh of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

When Jesus began his public ministry, the universal longing for the Messiah was the dominant reality. The question of what kind of Messiah soon became a defining element in Jesus’ life and ministry.

Jesus knew that the intensity and depth of the universal conflict of good and evil would demand that he become a suffering Messiah. As early as Mk3:6 the leaders of all sides began to plot for his death. This has become the life-giving mystery of the Christian message. When Jesus proclaimed, “the Kingdom of God is at hand. Repent and believe the gospel.” (Mk.1:15) few were ready to accept the Crucified Messiah as the centerpiece of that Good News of God’s love.

There was a second major obstacle to Jesus’ proclamation of the Kingdom. The people were anticipating a complete transformation by the sudden burst of God’s saving activity. Jesus had a different plan. He insisted that his followers be part of this divine transformation by taking up their cross and following him. This had startling implications in Jesus’ day as it does in our day. It calls for deep seated changes in how we see reality.

Transformation of Consciousness

As we continue pondering the True Self/False Self dynamic to enter more deeply into the gospel, we have seen the vital importance of self-knowledge. An important part of self-knowledge is to surface and change the values that create on our worldview. This clearly is part of the ongoing conversion process. This is called the transformation of consciousness. This is an activity of raising up and challenging false values within our mindset. Most often, these are values that we inherit and embrace with minimal awareness. They are part of our culture and ambiance. They mostly fall under the umbrella of what we call conventional wisdom.

Most of Jesus’ teaching was to challenge this conventional wisdom. His teachings and his life and death put the emphasis on God rather than self. This is at the heart of the True Self/False Self dynamic.

In this inherited worldview of conventional wisdom, mostly contrary to the gospel, we are engulfed in hidden prejudices and distortions. We are bombarded by values incompatible with the gospel. We are presented with false idols, sometimes obscure, but often clearly evident in their call to self-indulgence. We are told the right patterns of consumption will guarantee our control of reality, give us the assurance of youth, allow us to determine the future not to mention advancing our ability to deny death and to secure true and lasting happiness with the right credit card, the correct medicines and wise investments.

Something as simple as watching a sporting event or a weekly TV program offers an onslaught of consumer initiatives secretly enticing us away from the message of Jesus. We are in a very challenging situation where we have seemingly countless encounters with the consumer, indulgent and materialistic message. This is in contrast to the hour or so on Sunday, if we still attend church. For most of us, this is the only organized time we open our life to the gospel story and values.

The hidden power behind the conventional wisdom results in a false consciousness. This distorted view of reality accepts the gross neglect of the poor and marginalized, blinds us to the dehumanization of excessive consumption, trivializes a need for openness in community reducing it, often, to fear and exclusion of “the other”, draws us into an indifference toward the ongoing devastation of God’s creation for economic gain, and supports a widespread denial of death that genuinely distorts the reality of our creaturehood.

These are just a few of the many factors that nurture a worldview in constant conflict with the message of Jesus. It truly models the eternal battle of the True Self and the False Self.

The only place we will find freedom from the incessant offensive of false values is to return to the gospel. We are in constant need to renew and enhance our acceptance of Jesus’ call, “Repent and believe the Gospel!”

All of Jesus’ teaching calls for his disciples to share in his saving activity to bring about the long-awaited Kingdom of God. All his teaching leads to a personal transformation and participation in the basic battle between good and evil. The lessons of the gospel reversal where “the first shall be last…” (Mk 9:35). “to save your life you must lose your life” (Mk 8:35), “whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant” (Mk 10:43) demand deep personal change and commitment far removed from the conventional wisdom of our day or any day. Likewise, the message of ever-expanding inclusion in “the least of my brothers or sisters…” (Mt 25:40), and the Good Samaritan (LK 10:29-37) demand active involvement in the Kingdom’s coming.

Jesus was clear. The battle of the True Self and False Self, of the weeds and the wheat will continue to the end (Mt 13:24-30). The disciple’s task is to let one’s life be a witness to bring love, light, truth and healing to a world caught in the darkness, isolation, division and destruction of hatred and selfishness.

The coming of the Kingdom continues in the faithful commitment of all followers of Christ and people of good will. Wherever there is love, there is the continuing conquest of hate, division, prejudice and all that dehumanizes. Wherever there is love, no matter how small and hidden, it is like the seed that is the smallest of seeds that blossoms into the tree for all the birds of the sky. (Mt 13:31-32).

The life lived in fidelity to the Gospel will bring God’s love to a broken world. (Jn 15). This fidelity to the Christian mission is sharing in the saving love of God. This is the ultimate reality of overcoming evil by the ever-expanding presence of love in the human heart. This

love demands service and responsible action. This love has no meaning without concern for the poor and needy. The Christian community will always be expanding the boundaries to include the forsaken and forgotten. There will be action but this action must be rooted in love to bring about God’s victory over evil. This happens as the True Self reigns within us individually and with ever-growing influence in our world. All this will not happen without deep personal prayer.

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-5

This is the fifth of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

Part Two

The Two Blind Men

Mark bookends his story of The Road to Jerusalem with the healing of two blind men. In the first healing, there are two stages to the restoration of sight. At first he says, “I see people looking like trees and walking.” (Mk 8:24) Then, Jesus laid his hands on him a second time, and he saw clearly.

In this miracle, Mark is showing us that we always will get Jesus’ message in stages. The first blind man is an example for the poor befuddled Apostles and us.

The second blind man has a message for us also. The primary issue of the whole section is to join Jesus, on his terms, on the road to Jerusalem. The Apostles were confused and bewildered in the whole process.

The second blind man becomes a model of a true disciple for us. The story of his cloak revealed a wholehearted commitment to follow Jesus. When Jesus called him, he casts away the cloak. This is critical because the cloak was the primary source of his income. In the common practice of the day, the beggar would place the cloak in front of him to receive the alms. Likewise, the cloak was his only protection from the cold desert nights.

Mark describes it as follows: “He threw aside his cloak, sprang up, and came to Jesus…Immediately he received his sight and followed him on the way.” (Mk10:50 -52)

Conclusion

Vast areas of our mind and heart are out of tune with values of the gospel. Most often, we are just not aware of the chasm in our heart. This is because of the influence and control of the False Self, our heritage from Original Sin. We are deluded. We just do not see how far we are from true allegiance to Jesus and his gospel call.

Periodically, we are awakened to see that we are called to a deeper level of generous response and sacrifice. It might be the witness of a person whose life invites us further into the gospel. At times, it is a movie or book. Sometimes spiritual reading or a homily touches the depth of our heart. More often than not, it is a crisis in our life. Always, there is the Word of God in the Scriptures or in the profound and challenging experiences in our life. All of these encounters highlight the perennial battle within us of the False Self and the True Self, of sin and grace, of good and evil. It is a battle to the end. Too often, it is a battle we do everything possible to avoid.

In her classic, The Interior Castle, Teresa of Avila offers a wonderful insight into these matters. She describes the person’s situation in the Third Dwelling Places. The person has made some noteworthy progress.

However, Teresa points out a real danger to further progress. The individual at this point of development has a deep sense of having arrived. They are ready to settle down and bask in their spiritual achievements. In fact, they are just beginning. Spiritual pride is a monster at all levels but especially in this early stage of the journey.

This is the implication of Merton’s False Self/True Self struggle. We need to always see ourselves at the beginning of the pilgrimage to God. We are sinners in need of God’s mercy, always and everywhere.

True humility will let us see the magnificence of God’s mercy and our constant need to be seeking it. Deep personal prayer energizes this scared quest.

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-4

This is the fourth of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

Part One

On the spiritual journey, most people have experiences of numerous conversions. These spiritual experiences vary in degrees of intensity and depth. One of the components of this conversion process is a surprisingly new awareness of how blind one had been to the demands of the gospel message.

I think many can relate to my lifetime encounters to the seemingly endless gospel call to inclusiveness. Growing up, I felt it was a sacrilege for girls to play sports. Likewise, the “colored people” had their own truly God-given neighborhood. Homosexuals and lesbians, for all practical purposes, just did not exist.

It has been a tumultuous trip for me moving away from the sexism, racism and homophobic attitudes that supported the dominance my false self. No doubt, I still have a long way to go in these major deceptions in our society.

In each of these deep prejudices, there were periods of conversion that included an eventual eye-opening reflection. It exposed the depth of the deviation from the gospel message that reigned in my heart. This is a clear example of Merton’s teaching on the passage to enlightenment and conversion as we move partially away from the False Self to the True Self. It is a long, difficult trek. Yet, there are many small, and even great, victories along the way. As we stay faithful to the struggle to walk with Jesus, God’s grace never forsakes us. The process in this life is always limited and unfinished and calling for more. Nevertheless, we are moving in the right direction as long as we do not succumb to apathy and neglect.

The Road to Jerusalem

In the Gospel of Mark, we have a truly challenging example of this struggle of the darkness and the light in the False Self/True Self dynamic. All through his Gospel, Mark offers a particularly harsh portrayal of the Apostles. They are presented as a group that just do not get the message.

This approach in Mark is part of his insightful lesson on the complexity and the depth that authentic faithfulness to Jesus actually demands.

In the section of the Gospel (Mk 8:22-10:52) that is often referred to as “The Road to Jerusalem”, Jesus has three predictions of the Passion, Death and Resurrection. In each of these three segments there is a common structure.

• Jesus makes the prediction. The Apostles do not understand and do not accept the frightful possibility.

• In fact, they move in the opposite direction of Jesus’ statement. His message proclaims a Suffering Messiah. This was totally contrary to the Apostles hopes and ambitions. Their expectant future envisioned power, prestige and wealth.

• Finally, Jesus presents a short, clear teaching on the demands of conversion to the gospel message.

This selection of Mark’s text begins and ends with the healing of a blind man. In the three Gospel segments, the blindness of the Apostles is shown in Peter telling Jesus that he did not have to suffer (Mk 8:32), the apostles arguing who was the greatest (Mk 9:34), and finally, James and John asking for the privilege of sitting at his right and left in the coming days of glory (10:35).

These are all examples of the power and influence of the False Self. These were good men who considered themselves deeply committed to Jesus. In their mind, they had left all to follow Jesus. Each day they listened to his teachings. They witnessed his healings. They shared the multiplied loaves and fish. They saw Jesus walking on the water. They experienced the overwhelming enthusiasm of the crowds. It is hard for us to overstate the intensity and immediacy of their experience of Jesus. Yet, they had a vision in harsh conflict with that of Jesus. This was never clearer than in the total abandonment in the Garden on that first Good Friday.

Mark was making it clear to us as readers of his Gospel that true faithfulness to Jesus is genuinely demanding. It calls for many experiences of further enlightenment even after we make an initial pledge to follow Jesus. There always is more. The blinding power of the False Self is acute and dominant. The demands of the True Self insist that we take Jesus’ teaching to heart. Here are some selections from this part of Mark’s Gospel.

• “Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.” (Mk 8:34)

• If anyone wishes to be the first he shall be the last of all and the servant of all.” (Mk 9:35)

• “Whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant…For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve and to give his life as ransom for many.” (Mk 10:43-45)

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-3

This is the third of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

Thomas Merton’s teachings on the True Self and False Self are very helpful in understanding the spiritual life. They offer great insights on how we experience God. Theses insights are evident in the Gospel stories and parables.

It is clear that Jesus is the perfect expression of the True Self, a total and complete openness to God’s will. The Blessed Mother was protected from the False Self in her Immaculate Conception.

Other individuals portrayed in the Gospels offer us the opportunity to see the basic conflict of good and evil, the weeds and the wheat take place in several different ways.

We have very positive expressions of the True Self in the Good Samaritan and the father of the two problematic sons. We have moments of significant choice for the True Self in the persons of the widow and her generous offering (Lk 21:1-4), in Zacchaeus (Lk19:1-10), in the Gentile woman (Mt 15:21-28) and her faith and determination to challenge Jesus for her daughter’s freedom. Then there was the woman with the twelve year hemorrhage (Mt 9:20-2), the grateful leper (Lk 17:11-17), the many other individuals who turned to Jesus for healing and plentiful other examples. All of these individuals offer a clear example of the True Self holding sway. No doubt, they all shared in the normal lifetime struggle between the True Self and the False Self that characterizes the human experience.

The False Self clearly prevails in the rich young man (Mt 19:16-25), the two sons in the parable (Lk15:11-32), the negative characters in most of the parables, and especially, in the leaders of the Jews who maneuvered the circumstances leading to the Passion and Death.

Then we have the story of the Apostles who display a genuinely revealing struggle with ambivalence. They reveal a heart in the fundamental struggle to make a definitive choice for Jesus. Their experience with the miracle-worker Jesus was an easy option. As the threatening darkness of the Road to Jerusalem rose to front and center, they were engulfed in doubt and confusion. This radical turn of events was frightening and extremely disturbing.

Peter offers a treasure trove of insights to this wavering between a yes and a no to Jesus, between the True Self and the False Self. In the Gospels’ description of Peter, we have a glorious display of our battle with the pull of God’s grace and love in the True Self, ever in the tension of the heart’s hesitation in the very human response of “not yet Lord!”. This is the best-loved phrase of the False Self.

One of the first encounters with Peter is the powerful declaration. “Depart from me Lord, for I am a sinful person.” (Lk 5:8) Yet, in the first of many contradictions, he turns around and leaves his boat, nets and “all” to follow Jesus. After witnessing the multiplication of the loaves and fishes and numerous other miracles, we have a clear demonstration of Peter’s ambivalence. While walking on the water towards Jesus, he surrenders to fear and begins to sink only to be saved by Jesus. (Mt 14:28-30).

In John’s magnificent chapter six on the Eucharist, we have another example of faith by Peter. He states, “Master, to whom shall we go. You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and our convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” (Jn 6:68-69)

We then have the road to Jerusalem section of Mark that is as clear a portrait as possible of Peter and the other Apostles’ wavering from the True Self to the darkness of the False Self (Mk 8:22-10:52).

Then, at the Last Supper, we have Peter rejecting the washing of his feet only to turn around making a whole body commitment to accepting Jesus’ invitation to the symbolic cleansing. This is followed by truly contradicting statements of “Master, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” (Jn 13: 37). A few hours later we have Peter’s denial: “You are not one of his disciples are you? He denied it and said “I am not.” (Jn 18:25)

Then we have the Resurrection stories. These show the journey away from heartbreaking incongruities of the final days before and including Calvary. The Peter of The Acts of the Apostles is the Peter dominated by the True Self. Here we have a picture of a person passionately committed to walking with Jesus in service and love. Ultimately, he surrendered his life generously in witness to Jesus Christ.

Conclusion

These examples from the New Testament have a great message for us on our pilgrimage to God. First and foremost, the message of Jesus comes to us in stages over our lifetime.

Our journey is not straight forward. Our deliverance from the ambivalence of the False Self is a back and forth movement until the end. It is normal to think we are safe and committed to Jesus. In reality, however, our heart is most often dominated by false and hidden values of conventional wisdom.

• We only experience the message and call of Jesus in stages. We think we have it. Then we experience a fresh encounter calling us forward into new and welcoming horizons of life and light.

• We only achieve the full power of the True Self in contemplation or death. For most of our life, we live with the struggle between good and evil in the symbols of the True Self and False Self.

• Humility, our acceptance of the truth of our human condition, will help us to gradually see the pervasiveness of the consequences of Original Sin. Awareness of our sinfulness and brokenness is a moment of freedom that helps us turn to our merciful God. This is the essential task of the True Self: knowledge of our merciful and saving God and of our sinful but loved and forgiven condition as a child of God.

• Life is a struggle to be open to God’s call to live the True Self and to reject the inordinate pull of the False Self. This is a clear description for us of what it means to take up our cross and to walk with Jesus.

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-2

Introduction 

This is the second of eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.
Merton’s teaching on the dynamic of the True Self/False Self is a truly marvelous gift for our spiritual journey. However, it demands some basic understanding of our true goal in life. First and foremost, we must realize that our rightful destiny is union with God. To clarify this goal, which most often we distort by our talk of heaven, we need to appreciate several basic points.

• We are imbedded with a fierce pull to selfishness and sin by our heritage of Original Sin.

• We are in need of a purification and transformation to break loose of our sinful condition.

• The call of the gospel message of Jesus is a constant movement away from the fallacies of the False Self to the saving freedom of the True Self.

• The true destiny of our spiritual life is embracing this struggle of breaking loose from the bondage of the False Self. This means I was born with a mask if not a series of masks. The movement to the truth involves the shattering of the masks and accepting my true identity.

• We only achieve the final and total victory of the True Self in either contemplation or death. Most of the positive victories in our life are at best partial and incomplete in their movement away from the power of the False Self.

In many ways, Merton anticipated the incarnational approach to spirituality called for by Vatican II. He emphasized human experience as the source and location of our experience of God. He saw God’s will in the concrete demands of daily life. God is seeking us in every circumstance of our life. On God’s part, it is always a call to love. It may be the alarm clock in the morning, the thrill of a little league game, a moment of crisis in the emergency room, the joy of a Thanksgiving dinner or the pain and joy of an empty nest. God is present with a call to life and love in every moment and circumstance. All of life is grace and a summoning into the True Self.

According to Merton, when we speak of the “I” we are most often referring to the superficial, empirical and external values of the False Self. All of the many characteristics of the False Self are deceitful because they are contingent. This means that they will pass away at death. This is a long, hard lesson for us to accept. A wonderful example to this truth is Jesus’ story of the man who had to build his new barns so he could pursue the illusionary freedom of his new security while, in fact, he had only hours to live. (Lk 16:15-21)

This transient “I” which holds center place in our consciousness is, at best, a mask disguising the abyss between the False Self and the True Self. Merton says this deeply rooted deception that permeates our life is going to pass away as smoke flowing out of a chimney.

The true task in our life is in a growing awareness of what is real. It demands breaking loose of the conventional wisdom that is a singular stumbling block to the freeing power of the gospel. We live in a darkness that we think is light. It is an extensive and challenging road that leads to Jesus, the Light of the World.

Almost everything in our consumer-driven society speaks of values contrary to the message of Jesus. We need to shatter the constraints of the mindset that sees security in our possessions, a constant desire to look younger, a pull to an endless search for the right medicine and stock portfolio that will all but assure us of immortality. The battle of the True Self and False Self will lead to a recognition of the desperate need for a self-knowledge and a stunning transformation of consciousness leading us to see our reality through the eyes of the gospel.

These changes will open Pandora’s Box for us. Our deeply held prejudices will surface into the light of day much to our dismay. Slowly, we will learn that all the idols were not limited only in the Old Testament. The idols of our self-deception that make us the center of reality are many and ever-present in our life. They even show up in the “respectable” practice of religion. We slowly learn that our faith journey is often a matter of convenience rather than conviction.

Breaking loose from the conventional wisdom of a comfortable religion, we are shocked to learn that being a “good Christian” is truly a Road to Jerusalem. Like the early disciples, we will need to travel in a faith that must face misunderstanding, confusion and doubt. The true Jesus is evolving out of the caricature of him that we have treasured for so long. Our long-cherished hopes and ambitions are disintegrating right before our eyes. The precious desires of respectability and recognition, security and acceptance, slowly will fade from our perspective. We begin to recognize our God in the weakness, rejection and total devastation of the Crucified Christ. The passage from the False Self to the True Self is a truly shattering experience.

This passage is a moment of deep transition in our life. Pleasure, success, health, money and. even life itself, all take on a sense of lesser values. Eventually, we will have to transcend pain, suffering and death. This all leads to the embrace of God’s loving call to life that is without end.

This victory is possible because, in spite of the pervasive consequences of Original Sin, God’s grace is more powerful, more universal and more overwhelming. God wants nothing more than that we accept God’s love and mercy as the full blossoming of the True Self.

Conclusion

In the beginning, it was stated how important it is to clearly understand that our final, non-negotiable goal is union with God, a calling that is eternal. Our life must be a constant quest to live the values of truth justice, mercy and love. This is God’s will for us. Our spiritual growth will unveil God’s presence in our daily lives. We will eventually see the utter importance of our daily responsibilities and relationships. They hold the gold of God’s will in the concrete. They will be a constant call away from selfishness; away from the dominance of the False Self. These commitments to our daily call to love and service will be a growing invitation away from the fluff of life to the substance of the gospel. God’s love and mercy become the means to our acceptance of the True Self. All of this search for life and truth is enhanced by a commitment to deep personal prayer.

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF-1

Merton’s Gift Leading To Deep Personal Prayer 

Recently, I had the opportunity to read, reflect on and pray with some of the many wonderful books of Thomas Merton. He was definitely a person of prominence as a wisdom and prophetic figure in 20th century America.

Most of his writings deal with a more advanced spirituality. I am always on the search to gather information to help people in the beginning of the journey of deep personal prayer. Two items popped out to me as truly fitting the message for my blogs on the first stages of prayer.

These two items are Merton’s definition prayer, and his teaching on the False Self and the True Self. In both of these subjects, Merton points to their importance in achieving the final goal of prayer, contemplation. I would like to offer a series of reflections on these important insights of Merton. The two Merton items are remarkably helpful in the early stages of the quest for deep personal prayer.

In a brief analysis of the two items, I hope to describe how they connect to some of the most significant factors that support growth in deep personal prayer.

Merton’s Definition of Prayer

From the beginning of my writings on deep personal prayer, which began almost ten years ago, I have used Merton’s definition of prayer. Prayer is yearning for the awareness of the presence of God, a personal understanding of God’s word, knowledge of God’s will and the capacity to hear and obey.

There are some immediate consequences that flow from this approach to prayer.

1. It centers on God and not ourselves.
2. It is about our personal transformation flowing from God’s word and will.
3. It centers on a hunger in our heart for God rather than on our personal needs.
4. These three initial insights offer a great beginning of a spirituality that will support a continual growth in prayer leading to a life rooted in gospel vales.

False Self and True Self

Merton gives extensive treatment to this fundamental teaching about the spiritual journey. Most of it is related to the need to pursue the final stage of prayer, contemplation. In fact, his conception is that the True Self is only totally achieved in contemplation or at the moment of death.

I believe his teachings on the topic also offer great guidance and highlight the meaningful implications for those in the beginning stages of the prayer journey.

In treating the False Self, Merton begins by pointing out that we are dominated by false values that ultimately, not only deceive us, but lead us nowhere. Merton has a long list of adjectives that at various times he uses in place of his main describing word, false. They are: superficial, empirical, outward, contingent, private, shadow, illusory, fictitious, smoke, petty and external. These all contribute to his principal message: to describe the consequences of Original Sin in the daily human experience.

The True Self offers a goal of freedom and transformation, and in our search for God, a return to our original innocence. It happens as we live the gospel values. Its final expression is when we reach our goal, union with God.

Along the way, there are several helpful activities that facilitate this movement from an all-engrossing selfishness to walking with Jesus. These contributing elements are self-knowledge, transformation of consciousness, detachment, elimination of addiction, humility and a growing focus on Jesus and his message.

These are all indicators and facilitators of the transition from the False Self to the True Self. Deep personal prayer is central to this activity which is the basic stuff of the spiritual life.

I hope to flesh out these positive contributions to our Christian life in search of the gospel in a series of blog reflections. In particular, I would like to connect several of the gospel stories, characters and parables to our personal passage from the dominance of our False Self to the life-giving pursuit of our True Self. In the process we are basically seeking to share Paul’s reality: “Yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives within me.” (Gal 2:20)

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THE FALSE SELF AND THE TRUE SELF

Introduction

I am going to offer the following eleven reflections on Thomas Merton’s teaching on the True Self/False Self dynamic. This conflictual but enlightening relationship permeates Merton’s huge quantity of writing on the spiritual life. The basic point of the conflict is the individual’s pull toward and away from God, one’ true and ultimate destiny. Merton’s exposure of the consequences of original sin is ruthless in its intensity. This is the task of the False Self. At the same time, the pull of the True Self, the ever-present call of God’s personal and passionate love, is even more powerful. The human heart is the battlefield of this seemingly endless confrontation.

Merton portrays the True Self as an ever-present invitation into a glorious future that is never achieved with the exception of an effective purification of contemplation or the experience of death. Nevertheless, it is a driving force in the definitive human endeavor to seek God.

This powerful attraction of the True Self calls us into the depths of our being where God dwells. The foundation of the Christian life is this. To truly embrace the True Self in God, one has to leave oneself and give it to others in love. This is almost always a partial and incomplete effort for most of us. The True Self’s clash with the False Self is always an experience calling us into a new future. The grace for us is in the seemingly endless struggle to choose the True Self and to forsake the False Self’s plea for indulgence, self-enhancement and glorification of our bondage to self-centeredness. This is the battle of the spiritual life. This is the breaking loose of the affliction of our self-absorption to be free walk with Jesus.

Merton’s approach to spirituality is very human and down-to-earth. For Merton, the true relevance of the True Self/False Self dynamic flows from an authentic spirituality that affects every level of life. It responds to life as experienced by ordinary people. In contrast, most distorted spiritualities usually end up in fanaticism or elitism far removed from the common experience of most individuals.

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