Journey to Teresa

(Personal Experience)

I was pastor for twenty years in a challenging parish in South Central Los Angeles.  The make-up of the parish was predominantly Hispanic immigrants along with a long standing but aging African American population and a goodly number of African Americans from Belize.  We had what seemed like endless activities but the basic adult formation was in a strong liturgical program and Bible studies.

Over the years, the Bible studies had a steady group of over a hundred attendees.  The sessions always included extensive discussion in small groups.  This eventually led to group lectio divina and that evolved into personal lectio divina.  As individuals began to grow in a deeper spirituality I spent more time teaching about prayer and eventually Carmelite spirituality.

I had a particularly insightful experience of the journey to self-knowledge when I brought to the session a list of statements used by AL ANON, the program for family members of addicted individuals.

These statements contain insights that are powerful in facing the complex and pathological relations in the family life when a member is suffering from a major addiction.  As the individuals dug into the sharing process it became quite clear this was a demanding package.  We had families with youngsters in jail, on drugs, away from the church and on the road to destructive lifestyles in many different ways.  We had abusive spouses, problems with alcoholism and drugs, infidelity and a truckload of lesser but truly painful crises.

The majority of the individuals in attendance were inadvertently locked into being a victim and/or an enabler. The AL ANON statements called for change in some of the most deeply rooted patterns of behavior. The statements asked people to face themselves.  This meant the challenge of self-knowledge.

Here are a few of the statements:

• “To let go” does not mean to stop caring.  It means I cannot do it for someone else.
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• “To let go” is not to cut myself off, it is the realization that I cannot control another.
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• “To let go” is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
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• “To let go” is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

These discernments shed light on the possessive and destructive elements of some of our profound relationships particularly with our loved ones.  In these discernments we are called to “tough love,” to letting go of the illusion of control and admitting that many situations are out of our hands.

The conversation produced a frank and honest discussion and a heartfelt sharing of the Scriptures that brought the Gospel values of Jesus front and center.

This was helpful yet upsetting.  The call to change was upfront and immediate but not all were ready to face it. In fact, only a few were able to accept the challenge “to let go”. For many others the challenge was clear but they resisted change.  Others just did not make the connection to their life situation.

Related to the struggle of the participants in “letting go” was the need for deep, personal prayer. I was blessed to find a detailed description of the effects of a faithful prayer life that fit right into the group’s experience.  These reflections made the call to prayer an attractive option. These insights came from a beautiful book, Inviting the Mystic Supporting the Prophet.   The authors present the effects of prayer that shine out in the life of the person who comes to prayer with consistency and generosity.

When we remain faithful to prayer we gradually see changes in our life.  First of all there will be a growing trust in God.  God is leading us to “Let go and let God.”  We grow in compassion.  There is an infusion of gentleness toward most people and situations.  We become more accepting of our faults and less inclined to twist things to look good.  There is less fear.  We bring God more into the center of things and are more inclined to be forgiving.  We have a sense of our life being more together with more clarity on where we are going. The foundation of this transformation is self-knowledge.

In the Scripture sessions we were bringing the AL ANON insights and the beautiful vision of a committed prayer life together.  When we were searching the Scriptures, the result was a prayer that slowly unveiled new possibilities in what had seemed impenetrable and painful circumstances.

All of this together was a movement inward.  The connection revealed how we experienced God, a slow journey inwards, sometimes joyful, sometimes painful, but a journey that called for authenticity.  It all happens where the hurting and healing, the searching and finding, the love and the rejection, unveil life that is real, life in its truest expression. We found ourselves mining the gold of the spirit in the debris of life.

Life in all its trials and joys is the greatest grace.  This grace often blossoms in the debris of life.  It was here in this search for an answer to horrible family problems that our group was pulled into a need for a deeper spirituality.  We found it in St. Teresa of Avila.

I was quite familiar with my famous Carmelite Sister but I just did not realize the pastoral power of her message.  In The Interior Castle we found the next step in our spiritual journey.

In the Castle Teresa talks about the human person.  The journey is from the periphery where the superficial and fluff of life prevail to the center where God resides and is constantly calling us inward.  For Teresa the entry into the Castle is prayer.  Progress is made by continuing to grow in self-knowledge as exemplified in our Scripture sessions and by the “Let go” statements of AL ANON.  Then there is the need to put all things in perspective.  This requires detachment from our idols.  Finally the journey is energized by the great gift of love, particularly for our brothers and sisters.

Teresa lays out the beautiful world of The Interior Castle as a journey to the center where God dwells.  We get there by moving thru individual dwelling places.  She points out there are seven dwelling places or levels.  Our movement is not linear but a journey that draws us to many different rooms of various kinds along the way.

Teresa became our guide on the way home in our pilgrimage to God.